writing dissertation

I am here in the Lounge are in my university's Student Union typing away the Findings section for my dissertation. I have never felt that I need to work outside my room since I have always been able to keep my focus better when I'm alone.

But age is catching me fast. Previous attempts to work in my room failed miserably for the past few months since my level of concentration falls beyond my expectation. Working in my room is more of 90% being distracted of the things I want to do versus 10% of actually doing work.

It is even harder when I can only focus for about an hour straight before my tummy suddenly churn out a sound complaining that its hungry when I just feed it like an hour before. Mengada!

In the student union, I feel more calm because I don't have to see the dusty spot on my window sill that I need to clean and wipe before I leave my room. I don't need to think about cleaning my bathroom that has been cleaned a week ago. I don't need to think about how many boxes I actually need to fit all my stuff before my travelling period starts. And I don't need to care how 'suddenly' hungry I feel after an hour of focusing.

Time just pass by quickly when I'm at the Student Union. Except when I bump into someone I know and we start to talk and try to do our work. Then that's another problem. But most of the time I would just stay quiet until my friend would start talking to me.

Here's a selfie of me trying to pretend everything is under control when it's actually not! Now back to dissertation. Hope all of you will have a good day! 

#salamperantauan from cardiff

They say we celebrate Raya for a month right, so Selamat Hari Raya from Cardiff! I apologise if there's anything that I did that might have hurt you directly or indirectly. May our deeds in Ramadhan are accepted by the Almighty and we'll have a blessed Ramadhan.

If I were back in Malaysia, I would wake up, shower and get ready to visit Nenek's grave and head to Eid'ul Fitri's morning prayers. After prayers I would change and get ready to entertain our guests until everyone's left.

This year, it's different. Although I'm away from my family and always at the edge of bursting into tears, I am thankful I have friends to celebrate it with. One of my friends, M, invited me to stay at her house pre-Raya and have a cooking session. 

Our last meal for Ramadhan

I also took the opportunity to cook nasi impit (compressed rice) with kuah kacang (peanut sauce) all with the help of mama over the phone (thank you technology!).

Kuah Kacang turned out a little bit salty but nothing that cannot be fixed

My pot was too small so I had to split these nasi impits up

M and I made carrot cake, roti jala, chicken curry, beef rendang, and peanut sauce then went off to bed at 2AM. Woke up the next morning at 7AM to get ready for Eid'ul Fitri's prayers organised by the Malaysian Cardiff Community (MCC) at Cathays Community Centre.

Oh we also almost didn't make it since most taxi drivers were off in the morning for the prayers as well (or at least that was our theory). We managed to get a taxi at the last minute and arrived just in time :D

Apart from that, I also accidentally cut my fingers from trying to unlock the bathroom door. It was so hard to open it that I exerted extra force. Unknowingly, my right thumb was cut during that process and I only noticed it when I was in my room trying to open the door. Out of all days.

Wearing Bella Ammara's sequin jubah and satin silk Duck Scarves in Peppercorn (I think).

My doctor E. Gah! Can't wait to see you again

I was surprised to meet my best friend, E there too! We were supposed to meet few days before to catch up on things but I had to help my aunt and cousin pack their things before they move out hence the cancellation. But Alhamdulillah we managed to meet before her graduation ceremony! So good to see you E.

I was FaceTime-ing and texting my family the whole morning too. Had to hold my tears back when I saw Atok on my phone screen. That feeling when you want to just reach out your hands to your family but you can't is one of the most frustrating feeling ever. 

My handsome Atok

Atok saw me wearing the head scarf while we were talking on FaceTime and he blurted out,

" Keep that on! You look good with that"

:|

Inshaa Allah Atok. Will do once I'm ready :p

M and I head back home to catch some sleep before we take the train to Treforest for Raya celebration with the Malaysian community and students from University of South Wales. Then it was picture time! 

Baju Raya from my favourite online store, FashionValet! Purchased on Wednesday morning, got it on Friday afternoon. Even faster than Poslaju okay. Free shipping to UK for orders over RM200. Go shop there now!

Most beautiful packaging of all!

Outfit from MalaquexFV

Selamat Hari Raya from South Wales. I'm enjoying all the #salamperantauan hashtags on Instagram I had to post one too. Once in a lifetime rightttttt.

One with M! Thank you for being such kind soul. May Allah bless you with all things wonderful :*

When I was feeling all happy, then my family decided to send a picture of them. Ish, now I'm about to cry again T_T

We had another invitation by Kak Faizah, a lady I often place my order from if I'm craving any Malaysian food. Had Assam Laksa and it was SO GOOD! Thank you Kak Faizah for inviting. 

Another thing I love about Raya is that you get to meet people that you have not met for months or years. I finally met Kak Laila who turned out to be my grand-aunt's colleague. We planned to meet earlier on but something came up and it just didn't happen. But lo and behold, I met her at Kak Faizah's house :D

All in all, I'd say it's not too bad having Raya here. It is first time being away from my family but when you have friends around, they sort of make up the missing members you always have back home. I'm so going to miss all these experiences. For now, shall we enjoy our last moments here.

#SalamPerantauan from Izzah at Cardiff, representing Cardiff University in Wales, UK.

Update: Two months til I head back home. Can't wait! :D

the one worth looking up to

Before I go on with this post, I would like to wish all fathers, a Happy Papa's Day! You are always the yes' to the no's from mamas around the world :D

If you may have noticed, I rarely never talk about my dad here. Who is he, what happened to him, where is he, does he even exist and all that sort. I would always refer my grandpa as the father figure of my life (which he is and will always be) and most of my friends who've met my grandpa would always remember him. Truth is, I am no longer living with my dad since he has another family of his own.

My parents were separated when I was about 10 years old but honestly, I didn't feel anything when he went away. All I know back then was that he gave my sisters and I a Barbie doll each and said he will see us every weekend while packing up boxes of things into his car.

I didn't really understand what was going on even after Mama told us that we're going to see him once a week. But it got to me when I was in Standard 6 during my primary school when one of my friends told me that my parents were divorced. I was really nonchalant about it though since I think I got used to it. Now, we still meet once a year or when we need to but really, it doesn't matter to me. All I know is that he is still my father no matter what happens and I should respect him, that's all.

Because to me, Atok is the one acting as a father to me and my sisters.  Hey, actions do speak louder than words. I have Atok who drives me to school in the morning, picks me up in the afternoon and drives me again to afternoon religious school and pick me up after that. That was the usual routine that I had along with my sisters. My late grandma was the one who cooks for us and helps us get dressed while singing and watching her favourite shows on the television. Oh gosh, writing this out makes me miss Nenek so much. Al-fatihah to her. Mama would check on us after she comes back from work and would bring us to our music lessons during the weekends. It was pretty much normal to me up until high school.

Sometimes, I do get a little jealous over my friends who still have both their parents together. You can see the dynamics of their parents and they way they act with each other just how much care they have. To my friends whose parents are still together, be thankful and cherish them cause it took them a lot of hard work to make the relationship last this long. To those who don't, you're not alone. In fact, your single parent is somewhat a superhero. They could do things that requires two people. How amazing is that?! :D I am just glad Atok and Nenek stood by Mama when everything else was failing or I'm sure my sisters and I would not be where we are now.

It has been four years since Nenek left us and all I have now is Mama and Atok. Oh Atok, there are so many things that I am so proud of you and things that just drives me up to the wall sometimes. But my love for you just grew bigger everyday.

After all the scolding that I get for getting home late, for crashing my aunt's car with my big sister when we were 13 and 15 years old (big sister got straight A's in her PMR after that haha), being dragged to climb the trees to collect the fruits cause Atok's legs are weak to climb it. All the memories I have with Atok are precious to me.

I love it when he starts to tell his adventure stories when he was in the army. How tough it was coming from a family who could only afford to eat when the crops were good. The distance he would have to walk to school from his house since he could not afford to buy a bicycle. He would always remind me to be thankful for everything that I have now and he is always happy that he could provide his family and didn't have to go through the things he went through before.

To me, Atok is a genius. He skipped two years of primary school, jumping from Standard 2 to Standard 5. He wanted to go to college but since he had no funds, he chose to join the Malayan Armed Forces. He was a disciplined man (not like his granddaughters :p), who worked really hard, sincere and stand by his principles.

He was one of the few that was chosen to attend military training in the British Military Academy in Sandhurst, England. He would send the money he had back home to my late great-grandmother and make sure his little brothers are taken care of properly. He really was the father of his family since my great-grandfather passed away when Atok was only 7 years old. When Atok was 40 years old, the army sent him to Manchester to study a degree course for one year. ONE YEAR okay. It's like doing Masters except 3 years worth of study all cramped into one year! But my Atok pulled it off and graduated with flying colours! He retired holding one of the top posts in the army just amazes me.

Along the way, he was the financial controller of the family. He was and is still wise on what he needs to spend, something I still need to learn from him cause I can't stop shopping :p He plans his investments, minimise spending on unnecessary items like new clothes every month (unlike his second granddaughter who buys every week. Eeks okay got to stop), he buys properties and develop them so it could generate income. All that was worth it because today, he managed to send his granddaughter to study in the UK. And I could not be more thankful for this opportunity. He is religious and pious. He knows how to bring himself around and whenever he's not worried on something, his smile is the best smile I could ever dream of.

Nothing can replace him and he is the only man worth looking up to. I still have a long way to go, many things to learn and I wish I could be just like him. Well, to start off I have the impatient part instilled just like Atok and we do share the same birthday (coming up in few weeks!) haha.

Happy Father's Day Atok. You will always be the father to me. Oh and you'll get the card by this week. I forgot to send it off while I was keeping my head in my dissertation. I love you!

19 hours: it's ramadhan!

With Aunty Inn and Ika during our first tarawih

Referring to the title, more or less, that's the duration of time I am not allowed to eat or drink during the holy month, Ramadhan that I have been waiting this year *looks left and right anxiously*. I was quite scared that I might not be able to fast that long at first, but I did a few of the sunat fast prior to Ramadhan just so I know how it will feel like. Especially when it is the first time I'm fasting away from home, my family and friends. And it turned out okay! :D

Alhamdulillah, I've been granted to grace Ramadhan with my cousin and my aunt with me in Cardiff. Of course it feels different to be fasting longer but somehow, it has been bearable (it must have been the big, juicy Medjool dates). Mind you, those in Cardiff need to fast from 3am and break fast at 9.45pm. That is long for someone who is used to not eating for only 13 hours during Ramadhan back in their home country.

The trick for me to not feel like the clock is ticking slowly is by keeping busy. I'm at the stage where I'm writing my literature review and jotting my findings hence it keeps me off from the rumbling tummy. Oh and couple of watching movies and series somewhere in between. Okay fine, it's not good to lie. It's more of watching those rather than writing but I'm doing it bit by bit :p

Apart from keeping busy to let our minds off the act itself, the most important thing that all Muslims should strive for this month is to increase our deeds for Allah s.w.t. It's the month where we should read the Quran more, increase our charity efforts, and make full use of the time that we have to do all the good things. Oh let's not forget tarawih! It's the only month we can perform the special prayer leading up to Lailatul Qadar. 

Speaking of which, yesterday, during my first tarawih at a mosque nearby my house, I've been blessed to witness a new member of the Muslim community announcing his faith to Islam. MashaAllah, it was one of the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed. 

He was a young man, probably around my age, all with his confidence said that he know what Islam is and how we live as a Muslim and he wants to be a Muslim. He then recited the syahadah in front of everyone. That second, he officially becomes a Muslim, Alhamdulillah. It was so magnificent to me I teared a little. Such brave soul. I have never seen a person converting in front of me and to be able to witness this is blissful.

We then had our 8 rakaat tarawih prayers which ended at 12am, rushed home to my cousin's place and prepared for sahur. No time to sleep! Had subuh and off we go to sleep. This is how I foresee how my days will go by this month. Wish me luck!

To all Muslims everywhere in the world, Salam Ramadhan al Mubarak. May we be blessed with the holy month, fill our days with good deeds and strengthen our iman, In shaa Allah. Until then, toodles!