tell me something i don't know

All my life, I have always told myself that everything happens for a reason. And I believe this whole-heartedly.

And today, I believe in whatever that has happened for the past few months, was just a reminder of what I was looking for and what I deserved. 

For someone who has been all by herself for the longest time, it's hard to find that person you can click, let alone be 'the' potential one. But when someone said, just give it a try, I took it with the bravest heart and put in my long-shot.

To the other person, it was hard to open myself up but the way you reacted when I told you that I can't go on with you, had me closed in even more. As the other party, I was hoping that you understand where I was coming from. 

Instead, you told me I was breaking you at your hardest level. I was selfish. I was the three things that you look for but not the last one. I needed to be skinny. 

How can I accept a person when they could not accept me as who I am?

I told you that you deserve someone better. I told you that there's hikmah in everything that happens. But instead, you told me in the coldest way, "tell me something I don't know".

Well for once, I didn't ask for this to happen. I was pressured, pressed and pushed to have a go with you. But when I really couldn't accept you, they start to blame me for not giving a chance. 

Wasn't baring my heart open not giving chance? Wasn't investing my time and energy not giving chance? Wasn't investing my money not giving chance? I know my worth and this was not worth it.

At that point, you have just reaffirmed all the thoughts that were surrounding me.

Some part of me whispered to be to give you another chance. But when you let all hell breaks loose after I told you I can't see my future with you, my whole body was already done building up walls to cover from your sharp words.

I'm sorry for unintentionally hurting you. Everything happened so fast, go with the flow they said, but when I realised it was not the flow that I needed to go, I had to stop, think with my brain and not my heart and be realistic for a moment.

You are not the only person that has a list of qualities that you expect from a partner. I have mine and you did not fulfil any of it.

As I always say this, to let someone into my life, was also to let that someone into my family's life. Hence, I will always scour out those who is worth it to be my family.

And you were not.

Goodbye.