man up

I think I've just watched one of the best movie and romantic-comedy, ever. Okay fine not ever, but quite most possibly the best for this year. I figured I should let how I feel about it now, right after I've watched it just to preserve the emotions obviously clouding my judgement now.

The British joke, the places they shoot it, the characters that I could so relate to and the storyline in itself. I somehow feel so uplifted after watching it. Not to mention the perfect soundtracks to the whole movie. Who knew Simon Pegg and a newcomer (I've never heard of her so a newcomer to me), Lake Bell could achieve those non-cheesy rom-com chemistry. Totally unexpected. It was just laughter from the start 'til the last bits. It could not have been more perfect.

Oh yes, I am talking about Man Up, a movie released in 2015 that I have actually wanted to watch but never get the chance to and had totally forgot and then reminded back after I typed in "British movies" in that Google Search space. 

I don't know why but I have been craving to listen to the British talking. It has been quite a few months since I left the land of teas and scones and indubitably, honestly I miss it a lot. One of the ways I'm trying to relive them is going through runs of British movies and TV shows.

Man Up is utterly a fantastic movie. To me at least. I did not put any expectation on it but I did had a trickle up the back of my mind saying that it will be the typical rom-com. Well, it blew my mind! I was on a search of rom-com in the alleys of movie list which quite truthfully has been more of an action kind rather than the simple laugh-at-your-face movie. This definitely came at the right time.

I swear I am that type that wished things like whatever happened in that movie happened to me too but you know that is all just a story. Taking it positively, who knows what might happen, right? So like what they quoted Six Billion People and You, "F*** the past"! I'm gonna watch it again.

the racing heart: let it out

This was supposed to go up before the end of 2015 but I somehow had forgotten all about it and it was left in the draft. So here it is.

It has become way longer than I thought. Read part 1, part 2 and part 3 before diving into this.

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I spent my Saturday by myself at Portobello Market, one of the places I have been meaning to visit when I set my foot in London. It was full with other tourists who came from all over the world. Somehow I found myself entering Oxfam wanting to buy a book and have a read at Hyde Park.

I'm not sure if I were fated to find Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist but it had definitely caught my eyes. I was somehow eager to read the book that I hastily made my way to Hyde Park, find a spot by the lake and started to read.

How can you not love this view and the weather?

It was one of the most inspiring book I've ever read in these past few years and one of the reason why I made the decision to tell him that I liked him. The book inspired me to go after my dreams. A quote that stuck to me was,

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it"

Okay, fine. It isn't exactly a dream to be with someone you just met but it would be nice to BE with someone you might be destined to.

I realised that I want him. Reading that line over and over again, I was suddenly determined to tell him that I liked him. I just need to let it out, let him know. I didn't expect him to say yes or no, to accept me or to even do anything but what I did know, is that I just need to let him hear me.

The next day as I was packing my things and get ready to leave for Cardiff, I texted him asking if I could meet him. I was so nervous that I could barely eat. Okay, just kidding. I had a full bowl of jasmine rice with three Thai dishes I completely forgot its name just because I was so nervous. He replied and said,

"InsyaAllah can"

Only God knows how that made the level of nerve-wrecking feeling higher than it should be. When it was time, I said my goodbyes to my cousin and his girlfriend who was hosting me the entire trip and made my way to the place we were supposed to meet. I was already running late and I thought I could make it for my bus that was scheduled to leave at 9pm.

All the while I was on the train, I had the most unnerving feeling ever. And the last time I had that feeling was years back when I confessed to a Chinese guy that I liked him. That butterfly cluttering around in your tummy, the over-thinking mind replaying over and over again what you rehearsed, heart beating fast and slow all at the same time, I just feel like a mess at that time.

Arriving at 7.45pm, I ordered the usual Ferrero Rocher Milkshake and waited for him. I kept on glancing at my watch and the door hoping that he would come faster since I'm afraid I might miss my bus. And there he was, striding in the restaurant like he always do.

He ordered a burger and I just went on asking how his day was. We talked as usual with me trying to cover the tsunami of emotions bubbling under. Then I saw my watch pointing at 8.30pm. I convinced myself that I could make it for my bus. But I had to say it now or I'll miss my ride.

"I have something to say", I said.

"Oh what? Just say it" he mustered.

"Okayyyy I don't know how to say it but...." while feeling the heat coming up to my face. I was turning red and I kept on mumbling "This is so embarrassing. Oh gosh I don't know how to say this. But I just want you to know that I had a great time these past few days and I hope you did too".

Seeing me behaving weirdly, I knew he got a glimpse of what I'm about to say.

"I think you know what I'm about to say"

"Mmhmm"

"Well......, I like you. But as a friend. But slightly more than a friend. But I'm not expecting you to say yes or no or anything but I just need to say it to you. Oh gosh this is so embarrassing. My face is red right?" I said as I try to smile and keep my cool.

"Well, thank you for telling me face to face. I appreciate it. And I did had fun. But I have a girlfriend" he said.

Okay, pause. Rewind back two months before when I first had lunch with him.

Remember when he told that he wanted to get married but didn't have anybody to get married with. Not even a girlfriend. Two months after he suddenly has one. Bum. Mer.

Okay. Play.

If only he knew that last phrase crushed me so deep but I didn't have the intention of him to say anything so I just accepted it.

"I know and I'm not expecting anything from you. I just need to say it to you. I just feel like you're the midpoint person I need to meet before I meet the person I'm going to end up with" I explained.

"Okay. But why me?"

I explained about the prayer that I made and how I had bumped into him after that as if it was a sign. 

Deep inside, I wanted to tell him that he was the first person that I've met that hold all the things that I want in a man. I know he's not perfect but somehow I can accept all his flaws and he was the first one that made me feel that without even trying. He had a bad past but so did I. We had almost the same family background and we could understand each other well. I'm at the stage where looks don't matter to me but his intelligence caught me (despite everyone saying that he's a good looking guy). The way he brings himself, the way he thinks, the way he talks to his dad. All the little things that he did without realising it and I like it just the way he is. I swear we even look good together in pictures. Okay fine that last one was just a justification I needed to make :p

Others might think that he's not perfect but he's perfect to me. I wanted to say all that but what I said to him was all that I could utter at that time. 

Realising it was 8.45pm, I told him I've got to go or I'll miss my bus. Well, at that rate, I am definitely going to miss my bus but I was so embarrassed I just wanted to go away from him. But once again, he became that gentleman I knew he was and offered to walk me to the tube station. I was walking so fast he was left slightly behind. 

When we reached to the station, we said our goodbyes. He hugged me and kissed my head while apologising for making me miss my ride. I told him it wasn't his fault and I was the one who didn't notice the time. Still concerned about me, he told me to update him when I get to the station. 

5 minutes to 9pm and the train I was supposed to take is still not in sight. I knew at that point my ticket is burned and I just prayed the next bus home wouldn't cost me much. 9.02pm and I boarded the train. My mind was still lingering around what happened earlier. I kept on playing it in my head over and over again like a broken record. 

I made a scene where I told him the things that I really wanted to tell him, why he had somehow made me like him, and where everything just goes right. Alas, time was not on my side. I rushed to the coach station and asked for the cheapest ride for that night. My bus was due at 11pm so I called him and told him that I've managed to get a ride back home.

"I feel bad that you missed the bus. I'm so sorry"

"No it's okay. It was my fault too. I didn't realise the time. Don't blame yourself".

"Okay"

"I hope everything is still fine between us. I hope I didn't made it awkward and weird between us and I hope we are still in good terms".

"Of course we're still in good terms and it's okay. We are adults. I need to take a nap before I wake up for sahur. Text me when you're about to leave okay? Take care".

That has somehow comforted me. Even a little bit, I was glad that we are still okay. 

"Okay, will do. Take care".

All the while waiting for the bus, I was wondering if I had made the right move. I suddenly was doubting myself and was thinking I was a fool to tell him that. Why would you tell him now? You've just met him like three times. It's too fast for you to like someone. I think this was a mistake. But even if it was a mistake, it's already done. Move on Izzah.

By the time I reached Cardiff at 3am, I felt relieved. I called my best friend to tell her what happened and she consoled me telling he's not the one for me and everything happens for a reason. The right one will come. And I suddenly had that belief, the right one is going to come soon. I'm not sure if I should trust myself again this time but you can only trust yourself when it comes to feelings. 

And that was the end. We never talked to each other again. But he did like my posts on Instagram. Err that is a good sign right? Still friends right? Hehe.

And that's the story of the man who made my heart raced and made it alive again. To this day, I still believe that God has sent him to show me how I could still feel the emotion that I asked for and He is just keeping the right one for me until I'm fully ready. Subhanallah.

Until then, I'm just going to improve myself by being a better Muslim, a better daughter, a better granddaughter, a better friend and most importantly, the best version of me that I could be. Wish me luck!

AND. Thank you to whoever that has made it this far to read this ridiculously long post! You are amazing. I hope you learned a thing or two from my experience. Oh and I would love to read your stories too. Share with me :)

Toodles!

wrapping 2015 and welcoming 2016

FYI: This post contains a huge amount of pictures that you can ever imagine. So be patient and enjoy.

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Play this song before you move on to read the whole post :)




Travel Year.

That is what I would say if you asked me for a theme for 2k15. 

2015 has brought me to many places I have only dreamed of and I thank God mercilessly for the opportunity. Studying for my Masters brought me to the UK and everything kick-started there. From meeting new friends and connecting with old acquaintances. Those from near and far. From discovering new places and retracing back old steps. Here's the list of the places I went in 2015:

January: Bath, Birmingham, Manchester, Liverpool, and Stratford-upon-Avon.

With Aunty Inn and Ika at Bath

Woohoo! Made it to Manchester United's Stadium

Birmingham City Hall, if I'm not mistaken :p

The beautiful Birmingham Library

Went to Birmingham, Liverpool and Manchester with these two goons, Ani and Rosa :D

Any KOP fans here?

No ball, use bag also can lah

Found the old house family used to stay when Atok was studying in Manchester. Still the same old house.

To the Beatles Musuem we go!

A day trip to Stratford-upon-Avon brought me closer to the history of Shakespeare

In front of Shakespeare Birth House

Stratford-upon-Avon is a really nice quaint town

February: Caerphilly Castle and Sheffield.

One of the many castles in Wales and the UK

Went to Caerphilly with Fiza and Azfar whom now are husband and wife :D

When you see Aiskrim Malaysia, you just have to buy. Especially when it's Milo.

Don't be fooled by the sun, it snowed a little just after -__-

Missing Farrah and Dhiyau! 

Where there's food, there's Malaysians.

March: London, England.

At the Malaysian Career Fair

Thank you Paoie and Abang Haqqa for accompanying me to the fair!

Then off to my favourite detective's house!

How can I not take a picture with the famous Baker Street!

April: Amsterdam (Netherlands), Brussels (Belgium), Paris (France) and Brecon Beacon (Wales).

Typically how houses and buildings look like in Amsterdam

I wanted to go into Anna Frank's house but the queue was too long when I reached there. Maybe someday when I return back to this city.

Say cheeeeeeeeeeeseee!

Keukenheuf! Flowers everywhereeeeee

"I think this shoe is a tad too big for me sir"

Who doesn't love orchids!

Finally!

At the famous Red Light District where you can really see women posing in glass doors to attract potential customers

And we are in Brussels!

The famous Atomonium

It was raining when we traced back our way to Brussels's city centre but that didn't stop me!

Belgian Waffle at its best

Mannekin Pis 

Welcome to Paree!

On top of Montemart

Single and not ready to be attached :p

Musee de Lourve

Another must visit place in Paris. Musee d'Orsay.

Spot this without anybody to kiss. When I have a husband then :p

Spot "Saya Cinta Padamu"

Eiffel Tower. Oh wait, you know this already.

River Cruise got me all blushed

One of my favourite pieces in Musee d'Orsay

You should wait when the Eiffel tower starts to twinkle every hour on the dot. It's magical

Gallery Lafayette. A must stop mall

It's Brecon Beacon's baby!

Who says you can't have ice cream during Winter?

May: London (again).

The amazing Natural History Museum

Can you guess what skeleton this is?

My favourite part in the museum, the Earth!

Off to Miss Saigon theatre. If you've read previous posts, you know when this happened ;)

Strolling at Portobello Market

Don't you just love the colours?

Not the best crepe but it's enough for me

If only we could erase the bad things in our lives with this

Finally bought Paolo Coelho!

I somehow find this very satisfying and serene

It's always nice to have a bit of Laduree's pastry while working

Thank you Paoie and Abang Haqqa for hosting me again!

June: Swansea

Swansea is a quaint little city with a majority of the citizen being retirees. We were here for a day trip to see the beautiful Rhossili Beach.

I wonder who does all these graffiti.

Sheeeppppppp. Sheeps everywhere!

Adibah!

How can you not feel peace and calm here?

July: Tenby, Pembrokeshire

One of my favourite places in Wales. Just because it's so colourful!

There was a wedding photo session when we got up here

Get all your sand and sea collectibles here!

August: Athens, Greece.

This is when all the fun really starts. Almost 3 weeks of trip before heading back to Malaysia.

Say 'hi' to Bella and our just woke up face and not putting any make up on

Ancient ruins

It was really sunny.

The best spot for sunset viewing. Amazing weather too!

Up at the Parthenon!

It's always exciting to mail postcard! To loved ones they go :D

Met with a couple of Malaysian students from Jordan

And a pair of retirees from Britain!

Off we go to Santorini :D

September: Santorini (Greece), Rome, Florence, Venice (Italy), Seville (Spain), London and Iceland.

Seafood here is so expensiveeeee T_T

Woot woot. Red Beach ya'lls.

Up in Oia <3 td="">

MCM is so beautiful here <3 td="">

Can never go without my gelato :p

Can you feel the breeze swaying passing your face?

It looks better in person. Seriously, you MUST go!

A simple breakfast before we start with another day :)

Periss or also known as the Black Beach

We just stayed here for a long time just enjoying the sun, sea, and breeze while chanting peace.

One of my little projects while I was on my trip :)

Super red and super tan. And this is just the beginning.

Back in Fira <3 td="">

It's not always that you find couples wearing the same t-shirt colour as the doors/windows right? :P

An hour flight brought us to ROME! Bonjiorno Italy!

The Spanish Steps

Pantheon

Fresh pastaaaaaa

The Trevi Fountain where people throw coins. But, it was on renovation and restoration so all we had was a barrier between us with no coins to toss :(

A walk to the Vatican city

The Roman Forum

This place is just HUGE. It was raining when we got there and we completely forgot to bring our umbrella hence the soaked hair and clothes. Thank God it stopped after about 10 minutes with sunshine coming through the clouds. Drying time!

A visit to the Colosseum :D

I can just imagine the scene in Troy <3 p="">

After 3 days in Rome, we head to Florence. By far my favourite city in Italy. It's just so beautiful with lovely people.

It wouldn't be an Italy trip if we didn't stop at the Pisa Tower eh? Leaning towards the Earth each year bit by bit. I wonder if it will ever fall down.

You MUST have a tourist pose like this. Don't tell me that you don't want to do this

Stopped by at a chocolate shop called Venchi and had the best gelato ever! It wasn't even that expensive! Promise me you'll stop by this shop when you're in Italy. It's worth it!

Where to next?

VENICE! But there was just too many tourists around it felt suffocating. The city is really nice though :)

Loving the colours!

While we were waiting for our next flight, I was in the airport shop just roaming around when I found my childhood chocolate wafer bar! TRONKY YA'LLS!

They even have different flavours instead of just the normal hazelnut one <3 a="" already="" and="" backpack="" but="" buy="" couple="" destinations="" full="" go.="" have="" hence="" i="" it="" lot="" my="" of="" p="" should="" still="" suffice.="" to="" wanted="" was="" whole="">

Up in the air

And we're in SEVILLA!

Metropol Parasol, the largest wooden structure in the world

Planet Naboo anyone? :D

Can you imagine how big this thing is?

After spending 3 days in Seville and not wanting to go back, we dragged our feet back to London. Bella was ready to go back to Malaysia but I still have one more place I need and have to visit.

To the greatest, most amazing place in the world with these two goons who made me laugh again and again!

Meet Ezzah and Anisah

Hello Reykjavik <3 td="">

If you don't know her, you're too young. Or ignorant.

The cost of living here in Iceland is expensive hence we decided to cook whenever we can. Spicy Tuna Spaghetti anyone? :D

Throughout the whole 4 days we were in Iceland, the weather was so so so, amazing. It was sunny all day and we get to see the best of everything, Alhamdulillah.

The best of all, we get to catch the famous Aurora Borealis! WOOHOO! You don't know how much I've been dying to witness this natural phenomenon. More on this story later. I promise.

How often do you get to see clouds touching the mountains?

Pisang goreng lookalike

Where are you Thor?

The place where Gerua music video was shot! It really is amazing!

Rainbows were just everywhere we were, Alhamdulillah

The cold can never stop us to have ice cream

Zapin in Iceland? Why not!

Happiness at its best

At the fourth largest glacier in the world, the Myrdalsjokull Glacier

It was too bright at Skogafoss. Close eyes!

Made it to Eyjafjallajökull :D

Black Beach at Southern of Iceland

Hallgrímskirkja. You can spot it from afar as it stands at the top of the city

Best sunset ever

Had a chance to take the boat for Whale Watching!

My face when I'm super happy

Rindu mak cik yang tersengih kat belakang tu

Walking behind the waterfall!

Orang belakang nampak macam nak baham ice cream je

My favourite building in Iceland, Harpa <3 td="">

I could just spend the whole day here

And after 4 days, we are back in London just in time for the Harry Potter Studio Tour! Woohoo!!!

Tickets and audio guide, check!

The room under the stairs

In the Great Hall

Choose your wands

Diagon Alley

A paper model of Hogwarts

And the real thang. It's HUGE!

The details put into it. Magnificent

You can buy your wands here :D

And back in Malaysia in September.

Melaka in October.

Finally, Singapore in December.

One of the best briyani's my sisters and I had at Madura.

Cracking the Cocoa Ball at Cocoa Colony

The three sisters are back together!

Christmas Wonderland

Ice Palace for ice skating fanatics

Sooooo naissss

Do we look like sisters?

SO BEAUTIFUL! 

Nothing can go wrong with a Duck scarf

Tried out a burger joint called Working Title at Arab Street

Salted Caramel Waffle at Spize. So good!

Working Title burgers. Juicy.

Say 'Hello' to Mak Ngah!

I swear these koalas were just staring at each other wondering what in the world they are doing there

Kak Noi found her great-great-great-great-grandparents! :p

Dang! You're cute!

Kak Noi wanted to buy some clothes apparently

'Nak beli carpet kak? Mai mai! Murah! Murah!

Marinara Spaghetti at Savoury.

This Salted Caramel waffle is just yums. You can choose the gelato's flavour from their in-house gelatos

4Fingers Crispy Chicken!

Super good Long John Silver's

Another round at Savoury

Pergi jauh-jauh tapi still nak makan kat Oldtown :p

Cousin, second cousins, uncles and aunties!

Introducing my two cousins. Both taken :p

Dropped by at Tok Lang and Nek Lang's house. We do this every time we go to Singapore

"Is my pout right, fishy?"

And the best view ever. Still can't beat Iceland's :p

And..... you've made it to the last picture in the post! Congratulations! Comment 'DONE' if you've made it this far :D

It has been by far the most time I've travelled compared to past years and I am definitely most humbled by the lessons 2015 has taught me. 

2015 has also shown me that no matter where you go, you'd still be meeting all sorts of people. Those with good and bad intentions. Those who pretends to like you but deep down they just need to use you. 

Looking on the brighter side, I met tons of new friends, been to many places on the top of my bucket list, felt alive and in love, got my heart racing, take a leap on something I had never done, and most importantly; I've started to cover my hair as required by my religion. Alhamdulillah.

Let's now wish for a greater year in 2016. And the theme that I can foresee for this new year is Weddings (my favourite theme!).

Until then, wishing you a blessed 2016 and happiest new year! :D