solitary

Over looking the beautiful Rhossili Bay in Swansea

It came to a surprise to me when I bumped into one of my acquaintances during one of my usual groceries trip only to be asked, 

"Are you alone?"

"Yeah...", I answered casually while my mind goes off thinking that "Why? Is it wrong to walk alone?".

Mind that, the acquaintance was walking with a group of guy friends and there I was. Just me. A girl walking alone in the mall thinking of the pot I wanted to buy since the one I had had its non-stick coating coming off.

We then parted ways but my mind was still wandering on that one fact. I don't blame the acquaintance for asking that but it just made me wonder how others view people who enjoys walking on their own.

This wasn't the first time someone had asked me if I'm alone but somehow this time, it just hits me.

Ever since coming to Cardiff, I have accustomed myself to be independent, do things on my own and to be honest, I really enjoy having that 'me' time. Just me, my elements and my mind. Not having to wait for other people to be late, walking at my own pace, travelling wherever I want to go without having to worry when I should get back. It's just the most calming state I could possibly imagine.

Choosing to be single for a few years now had me pull up my courage and just straddle along the journey I chose without expecting another person to accompany me. I still do hangout with my friends and best friends but there are times I immensely feel happy just to go out on a date with my own self.

It helps to me discover who I am, what I really like, what I don't like, change or hold my views on different aspects of life and most importantly, I don't feel like I need to report to anybody except to my mom and grandpa. I mean who likes having to tell their other half where they are except if they voluntarily do it? 

Here, in Cardiff, it's absolutely normal to see other people walking on their own, minding their own business. But back in Malaysia, some times people would just stare at you and you can see their eyes going up and down, observing how you behave. In their minds, I could imagine there's a tiny voice that would whisper how that girl is a loner, walking on here own and how they bet the girl does not have any friends to go out with. 

Most of the time I would just pretend to focus on a thing, but I when I feel a bit daring, I would just stare back at them until they look away. 

I'm glad that I get to experience this while being away from my closest friends and especially my family. I didn't know how strong and independent I can be up until when I lived here. It makes me feel the responsibility that I need to take care of while at the same time it's a prep course for me before I head on to the real world of work.

To those who stand on the same side as me, I can tell you that it's not wrong to go out on a date with your own self. Get a manicure, explore the bookstore you've been wanting to go since ages, meet up new people, be independent and not worrying about what other people think.

It's your choice and you are definitely entitled to it. We are in control of whatever we want to do and the only one you should be afraid of is Allah, the Almighty. 

I hope this in one way or another inspire you to feel free. Until then.

Toodles!